Soul Mate and Partnership

The big question:
The question that has been most present in my mind and heart is what role does a man or men play in my life? Do I want to get married? Do I want multiple lovers? Is this THE right guy for me? What is his purpose in my life? What is true partnership? I will admit I ask these questions often to my Angel Oracle cards. And on occasion I have thrown them across the room vowing to never use them again because they have lied to me. Never mind what I have done..changing my mind or screwing up the relationship :)

Desire for a soul mate and the marriage illusion:
For as long as I can remember, the desire to find my "soul mate" has been a current running through me. I was never too concerned with getting married, and I believed that it would be a natural progression...down the road. And I keep saying down the road. I have had my own opinions of marriage. I think our culture is too caught up with the illusion of marriage, and as a whole people don't pay enough attention to each other, communication and the moment to cultivate a true lasting partnership. Marriage is a social and religious construct. This is a generalized opinion, and there are many great marriages out there. I could have and create a completely different experience. Great partnership can last 50 years or one year. I have a friend that makes a commitment for one year at a time with her man. They choose if they want to recommit for another year and discuss what is real for them at the time. They have been together now for 9 years. What is our true nature...my true nature? What do I want?

My soul mate and my core fear/belief:
I did find my soul mate (and I believe there can be many), my college boyfriend Matt. We were mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually aligned. I felt like we instantly knew each other, were passionate about each other and had so much fun together. He made my life better and I loved him. I knew I wasn't ready to settle down and had the idea that getting married would close the door of my personal exploration especially being so young. I wanted to see the world and experience anything that came my way. So, I moved to Spain and then Texas. There have been moments where I have questioned my decision to leave. Was I out there searching for answers to the meaning of life that were only inside of me. Perhaps...and I love to experience new places, cultures and people. I don't think I believed I could have those same experiences within my relationship. I see this as a pattern in my life and the relationships that followed....the belief that growth, exploration and freedom can only be experienced independent of a relationship. I want to shift that because I see the power, abundance, love, harmony and happiness that can come from true partnership with a man and woman.

The men in my life:
The men I am attracting into my life are amazing. They are free spirits, travelers, wonderers, passionate about life and seeing life. I love that we can be so present with each other in the moment that time escapes us. I feel alive and completely free to be me. They are fun, expressive, simple, grounded, earthy and genuine men. I love them for who they truly are. I don't have an expectation or attachment of where the relationship is heading. My mentor, Martin Sage, once told me that I need to find a man that has these qualities because that is my true nature. We weave in and out of each other's lives. This does not fall into the stereotypical relationship or marriage, and there are moments where "Sweet Marty" does want to latch on. And as much as I love my experiences with these men and being in the moment, I am missing an ongoing connection. I also see that these men have a fear that being in a relationship or marriage will somehow take away their life dreams or freedom. It's no wonder that I am attracting the very thing that I am doing, being, thinking. So, how does this work? How can we live our dreams, feel inspired and connected, and get everything we want and more together? Do I want a man that is also my business partner? Do I want one man or a few? I know I want kids one day too...so how does that play into this? I guess I can create anything, and it doesn't have to look like anybody else's life.

Spiritual Partnership:
To me, the term "soul mate" can mean predestined and mystical as though we don't have choice or responsibility. The stars align and love happens. I believe this is a piece of the equation. However, we have choice and can create true partnership. The term partnership can sometimes feel completely at will and cold without a sense of connection and universal flow. I don't want to get caught up in semantics and concepts, but there's something more powerful for me when I use the term "spiritual partnership." And by this, I don't mean religious. To me its the merging of the two, soul and partnership. It's bringing together physical world reality and intuition. It's being conscious of who you are drawn to energetically and synchronistically while being grounded and empowered to create what you want together in the physical world reality. Partnership between a man and woman in life and business is powerful. As my colleague and mentor Dana Minney explains in her course "How to Talk to Men," men are pilots and women are the radar. Men are typically linear, focused and goal oriented, and women can pick up and sense everything else going on at one time. They are both in their true function and as a team that can fly the plane. Life is easier, more fun, more effective and opportunities are more possible.

What do I want?:
Spiritual Partnership as a concept sounds good. I don't know that I have the answer for me yet, but I am enjoying the journey. Maybe it's simply to be in love and have fun.